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When to Build a Wall? {Take Back the Reigns – Ask Shasta Column)

This week’s Take Back the Reigns – Ask Shasta Column question comes from someone who wishes to remain anonymous.



Hi Shasta,

I have been told as a spiritual person that I should just forgive everyone and try my best to have a relationship with them.

But I have a friend who really is not being a friend and I feel like it’s time to let her go, but I wonder if I am being a bitch in doing this. I think I really need to build a wall for my own sanity.

Is it ok to build a wall?

Thank you,





Dear Friend,

This is such a great question! And I completely understand the confusion.

On the spiritual path we are told that forgiveness and acceptance of others are key to our own success, and part of living a spiritual life.

In addition, our culture trains us to accept a lot of shenanigans from others as a proof of our “niceness” and goodness.

We have taken on a lot of unconscious voices.

We believe we are being spiritual by accepting poor behavior from others, yet we are NOT really being true to our own Spirit.

There are times to create boundaries.

This does NOT make you an “unspiritual” person or a bitch.

It actually makes you authentic AND it sends a powerful message to The Universe on what you do want in your life and The Universe can it then provide that for you, (but I will talk more about this next week in Part 2 of this response.)

It does feel triggering to create boundaries given the messages we have subconsciously accepted.

We have to make the unconscious voices conscious to have control over them.

So consider this:

  1. Whose voice do I hear when I consider creating a boundary? (My mother’s? My cultures?)
  2. What does that voice tell me do to or be? (For example: Be kind to others no matter what because that is what “Christian” people or “our family” does?)
  3. What is the validation I receive in accepting “shenanigans” from others? (For example: I can tell myself I am a good person. I prove that I am extremely tolerant and can take a lot of crap.”


Notice that there are a lot of agreements that we have all accepted at some level to receive love, acceptance and belonging.

We accept relationships with people who can not really LOVE us, and we try to hard to gain their love…we end up tolerating a lot of bullshit and yet we are not truly being kind…to them or ourselves.

Next week, in Part 2 of this column, I will outline a powerful way to cut the cord with ease and grace.

Much love,


PS: Take Back the Reigns is a weekly no-cost program that is open to everyone seeking direction on love, life and self-empowerment.

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Best-selling author, award winning teacher and down-to-earth Canadian girl, Shasta Townsend is your “marriage mechanic” who helps you manifest your relationship dream by teaching you how to apply Universal Laws to create a rich and satisfying relationship, no matter what AND the practical day-to-day tools that can change everything! Shasta is one of the first teachers to combine the teachings of Quantum Physics, Law of Attraction, Spiritual Psychology and good old common sense in the area of marriage, love and intimacy. Her many student’s success speak to the power of her work, and her own story is one of amazing “miracles”. She is here as the helping hand you’ve been seeking. Learn more at www.shastatownsend.com