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When to Build A Wall? 3 Criteria {Take Back the Reigns Column}

This week’s Take Back the Reigns – Ask Shasta Column is actually the second part of a great question that an anonymous community member sent it. 

Hi Shasta,

I have been told as a spiritual person that I should just forgive everyone and try my best to have a relationship with them.

But I have a friend who really is not being a friend and I feel like it’s time to let her go, but I wonder if I am being a bitch in doing this. I think I really need to build a wall for my own sanity. Is it ok to build a wall?

Thank you,


 Dear Friend,

I answered the first part of this a week or so ago on WHY it is so confusing. Read that now.

But I want to  just follow up as so many students ask me this, and there is an important learning for those of us who wish to stay centred in love even as we “build a wall”.

To build a wall does not mean that we build a wall around our heart, but rather that we choose wisely who we want in our lives.

We have been given the gift of a big heart that we want to keep open, but we also have a discerning mind that is here to help us determine if this person is adding to our lives more frequently than they are taking from it.

How do you know if someone is adding or taking away from your life?

Here are my 3 criteria:

People do not have to be perfect, but they do have to be willing to:

  1. Take accountability for themselvesApologize, make actual changes, work on themselves – these are all examples of someone who is taking accountability.
  2. Do what they say they are going to do –  Actions really do speak louder than words. We have all received apologies from people who messed up, but did not see any real change. Someone who really wants to be in relationship with you will take action and do what they say they are going to do to make this relationship work.
  3. Be in the place of support and love at least 99% of the time  – I have a big heart and LOTS of love to give. I also forgive easily which has meant I put up with too much BS in the past but it taught me that I want to be in relationship with people who truly LOVE and support me.  You can have a meltdown but our relationship needs to be loving 99% of the time.

You can choose what is good for you, and that does NOT make you a bitch. It actually makes you a really loving person for when we love ourselves truly, we have MORE love to give others. We overflow as a full cup.

Wishing you amazing loving relationships every day!!!

Much love,



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Best-selling author, award winning teacher and down-to-earth Canadian girl, Shasta Townsend is your “marriage mechanic” who helps you manifest your relationship dream by teaching you how to apply Universal Laws to create a rich and satisfying relationship, no matter what AND the practical day-to-day tools that can change everything! Shasta is one of the first teachers to combine the teachings of Quantum Physics, Law of Attraction, Spiritual Psychology and good old common sense in the area of marriage, love and intimacy. Her many student’s success speak to the power of her work, and her own story is one of amazing “miracles”. She is here as the helping hand you’ve been seeking. Learn more at www.shastatownsend.com