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Category Archives: Take Back the Reigns – Ask Shasta Column

When to Build A Wall? 3 Criteria {Take Back the Reigns Column}

This week’s Take Back the Reigns – Ask Shasta Column is actually the second part of a great question that an anonymous community member sent it. 

Hi Shasta,

I have been told as a spiritual person that I should just forgive everyone and try my best to have a relationship with them.

But I have a friend who really is not being a friend and I feel like it’s time to let her go, but I wonder if I am being a bitch in doing this. I think I really need to build a wall for my own sanity. Is it ok to build a wall?

Thank you,

Anonymous

 Dear Friend,

I answered the first part of this a week or so ago on WHY it is so confusing. Read that now.

But I want to  just follow up as so many students ask me this, and there is an important learning for those of us who wish to stay centred in love even as we “build a wall”.

To build a wall does not mean that we build a wall around our heart, but rather that we choose wisely who we want in our lives.

We have been given the gift of a big heart that we want to keep open, but we also have a discerning mind that is here to help us determine if this person is adding to our lives more frequently than they are taking from it.

How do you know if someone is adding or taking away from your life?

Here are my 3 criteria:

People do not have to be perfect, but they do have to be willing to:

  1. Take accountability for themselvesApologize, make actual changes, work on themselves – these are all examples of someone who is taking accountability.
  2. Do what they say they are going to do –  Actions really do speak louder than words. We have all received apologies from people who messed up, but did not see any real change. Someone who really wants to be in relationship with you will take action and do what they say they are going to do to make this relationship work.
  3. Be in the place of support and love at least 99% of the time  – I have a big heart and LOTS of love to give. I also forgive easily which has meant I put up with too much BS in the past but it taught me that I want to be in relationship with people who truly LOVE and support me.  You can have a meltdown but our relationship needs to be loving 99% of the time.

You can choose what is good for you, and that does NOT make you a bitch. It actually makes you a really loving person for when we love ourselves truly, we have MORE love to give others. We overflow as a full cup.

Wishing you amazing loving relationships every day!!!

Much love,

Shasta

 

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PS: Take Back the Reigns is a weekly no-cost program that is open to everyone seeking direction on love, life and self-empowerment.

Each week, I’ll select and personally respond to one question that supports our community.

You may choose to remain anonymous if you wish, with our full support.

It is my deep, heartfelt intention that in answering your questions I provide support, clarity and means to inspire you to truly create a life and love of power.

See the sidebar to ask your question today!

ABOUT SHASTA

Best-selling author, award winning teacher and down-to-earth Canadian girl, Shasta Townsend is your “marriage mechanic” who helps you manifest your relationship dream by teaching you how to apply Universal Laws to create a rich and satisfying relationship, no matter what AND the practical day-to-day tools that can change everything! Shasta is one of the first teachers to combine the teachings of Quantum Physics, Law of Attraction, Spiritual Psychology and good old common sense in the area of marriage, love and intimacy. Her many student’s success speak to the power of her work, and her own story is one of amazing “miracles”. She is here as the helping hand you’ve been seeking. Learn more at www.shastatownsend.com

When to Build a Wall? {Take Back the Reigns – Ask Shasta Column)

This week’s Take Back the Reigns – Ask Shasta Column question comes from someone who wishes to remain anonymous.

 

 

Hi Shasta,

I have been told as a spiritual person that I should just forgive everyone and try my best to have a relationship with them.

But I have a friend who really is not being a friend and I feel like it’s time to let her go, but I wonder if I am being a bitch in doing this. I think I really need to build a wall for my own sanity.

Is it ok to build a wall?

Thank you,

Anonymous

 

 

 

Dear Friend,

This is such a great question! And I completely understand the confusion.

On the spiritual path we are told that forgiveness and acceptance of others are key to our own success, and part of living a spiritual life.

In addition, our culture trains us to accept a lot of shenanigans from others as a proof of our “niceness” and goodness.

We have taken on a lot of unconscious voices.

We believe we are being spiritual by accepting poor behavior from others, yet we are NOT really being true to our own Spirit.

There are times to create boundaries.

This does NOT make you an “unspiritual” person or a bitch.

It actually makes you authentic AND it sends a powerful message to The Universe on what you do want in your life and The Universe can it then provide that for you, (but I will talk more about this next week in Part 2 of this response.)

It does feel triggering to create boundaries given the messages we have subconsciously accepted.

We have to make the unconscious voices conscious to have control over them.

So consider this:

  1. Whose voice do I hear when I consider creating a boundary? (My mother’s? My cultures?)
  2. What does that voice tell me do to or be? (For example: Be kind to others no matter what because that is what “Christian” people or “our family” does?)
  3. What is the validation I receive in accepting “shenanigans” from others? (For example: I can tell myself I am a good person. I prove that I am extremely tolerant and can take a lot of crap.”

 

Notice that there are a lot of agreements that we have all accepted at some level to receive love, acceptance and belonging.

We accept relationships with people who can not really LOVE us, and we try to hard to gain their love…we end up tolerating a lot of bullshit and yet we are not truly being kind…to them or ourselves.

Next week, in Part 2 of this column, I will outline a powerful way to cut the cord with ease and grace.

Much love,

Shasta

PS: Take Back the Reigns is a weekly no-cost program that is open to everyone seeking direction on love, life and self-empowerment.

Each week, I’ll select and personally respond to one question that supports our community.

You may choose to remain anonymous if you wish, with our full support.

It is my deep, heartfelt intention that in answering your questions I provide support, clarity and means to inspire you to truly create a life and love of power.

See the sidebar to ask your question today!

ABOUT SHASTA

Best-selling author, award winning teacher and down-to-earth Canadian girl, Shasta Townsend is your “marriage mechanic” who helps you manifest your relationship dream by teaching you how to apply Universal Laws to create a rich and satisfying relationship, no matter what AND the practical day-to-day tools that can change everything! Shasta is one of the first teachers to combine the teachings of Quantum Physics, Law of Attraction, Spiritual Psychology and good old common sense in the area of marriage, love and intimacy. Her many student’s success speak to the power of her work, and her own story is one of amazing “miracles”. She is here as the helping hand you’ve been seeking. Learn more at www.shastatownsend.com