Learn exactly how I created deep connection in my marriage without saying a word!

Is Laundry the Real Reason Love Fades? (+ 5 Words to Watch Out For)

couple-arguingWhen love fades, it is suprisingly often NOT because of major issues like affairs, drug use or gambling away the mortgage.

Though these are certainly reason enough for a breakdown, the real reason most relationships fizzle is the often “trivial” day-to-day annoyances that undermine a relationship.

Canadian magazine, Fashion, recently polled their readers about relationship friction and 28% of the 400 women who responded said “minor annoyances” were the biggest culprits in their relationship.

Just to give you an idea only 13 per cent of respondents said “sex” and 9 per cent said “money” was the reason they argued. (Fashion Magazine, February 2017 ed.)

Though Fashion may not be the biggest source of relationship wisdom, the results of this poll tells an interesting story: most of us just want him to put his dirty underwear in the laundry, empty the dishwasher and as one of my clients said: “just watch the kids for 10 minutes while I make breakfast.”

We just want some effing support!

But are we willing to ask for it?  Clearly + openly?

For many of us, myself included, at times we think: “He should just know.

“He should know to put his underwear in the laundry.

“He should know that I can’t do it all myself.

“He should know to be of help.

I shouldn’t have to ask.”

 

“I shouldn’t have to ask” are five words to watch out for.

Anytime I hear myself saying: “I shouldn’t have to ask”, I know I do need to ask.

I also know that “my story” is totally triggered.

Yes it is tiresome to have the same old conversation + it’s frustrating to feel that he’s NOT getting it, but if believe we shouldn’t have to ask, then we are expecting him to be a mind reader.

 

Your partner probably knows you well but he may not have mastered mental telepathy yet.

Don’t expect him to.  Instead hold yourself accountable to do the very mystical thing: speak your needs + why they are important.

I’m not saying that you haven’t tried to ask, I’m merely suggesting that he has not understood WHY it is important to you and that he has not really heard you.

When I was first married, it drove me crazy that my husband did not put dishes in the dishwasher but left them on the counter right above it.

I was like: “Ian, why can you not put the effing dishes in the effing dishwasher. Do  you think I want to clean up dishes all day?”

His response was, “Relax. I will get to it. Who cares?”

I spoke my needs, right?  So why did he not get it?

 

I did not really speak my needs. I was blaming + shaming and almost everyone shuts down in the face of shame.

I also had not really communicated the reason it did matter to me.

The reason I cared is that my home is my sanctuary and I do appreciate harmony.

The reason I cared is that I wanted to feel that he cared about our home too.

The reason I cared is that I did feel like I had a ton of shit was on my shoulders and he was having a fun time watching football.

I was also super triggered!

 

I had a story that he did not care and that at some level I was “being used” and was unappreciated.

img_0659So I took a look at “the story” and reminded myself that this was not true.

I knew my partner wanted me to be happy.

I knew I chose him in part because I could count on him, so I put on my big-girl panties and spoke up, with love + clarity.

It was uncomfortable to speak to my needs (but so is arguing). I knew that my relationship required me to be uncomfortable at times and vulnerable + honest all of the time.

It was something like this:

“I know you will get to it, but I work from home and appreciate harmony and order. I need it to feel in the flow and a messy house is a major distraction for me.

 I see that you are busy too + that you do care about our home, but I feel overwhelmed by stacks of dishes. It’s just something more I need to take care of and I don’t want to feel that way.

I also want to feel like you totally have my back, which I know you do, so when the dishes go in the dishwasher this demonstrates that you do.

I’m not trying to nag at you, but I am asking for this thing because it is important to me.

Do you understand?

Can we find some sort of agreement about the dishes? ” 

To which he responded, “Ok. I will totally try to put the dishes in the dishwasher. I don’t want you to feel that way. I did not know this was so important to you.”

I then asked him if there was anything I could do that I was not doing that was annoying the hell out of him.

We both shared our needs.  We both felt heard. We both made change.

 

Here are the steps I took so you can do this with ease yourself:

  • I took responsibility for my story – I saw that I was creating a story about dishes not being done and my trigger around overwhelm + took responsibility for it. I decided that he was not a huge jerk face who had the awareness of a flea, but someone who really did want to support me + that I could give up the old “poor me” story.

 

  • I spoke up with clarity and love (no shaming + blaming) – Notice the words and structure I used. I take responsibility for my experience and share how I am feeling and why without saying he caused it. He didn’t.  I also tell him I know he has my back and that this demonstrates it.  This reassures him and let’s him know I DO see all he does for me.  This style of communication gave him an opportunity to correct something that he did not even know was an issue without feeling like a failure (and helped me feel more powerful by learning the skill of speaking to my needs).

 

  • I reciprocated – I demonstrated that I wanted to be there for him too.  If you demonstrate that you are willing to hear your partner and respond to his needs, he is way more likely to do the same.  Think about a time someone let you enter in a busy traffic line up, you were way more inspired to do it for someone else. Reciprocity is an overlooked superpower!

 

It can be uncomfortable as hell to speak our needs and share our desires, but in order to create a harmonious relationship we need to be willing to speak up, with love.  

DSC_1189We also do have to decide to let some things go…the dirty underwear still lands BESIDE the laundry basket, but at least I have a clean kitchen and open communication. Wink. Wink.

I hope these words help you in any small way + am always grateful to share space with you.

Here’s to unleashing love + harmonious relationship!

Big love,

Shasta

 

DSC_1340Can I Take You For Coffee?

Want a loving hand to hold while you release your own stories, allow the flow of Love + rest back in your relationship knowing he will always be there for you? 

I will be opening 3 VIP level mentoring spots with me very soon…if you want more details, please drop me a line and let’s have a virtual coffee date + chat to see if this is the right opportunity for you.

Email my team at teamhappy@shastatownsend.com with the Subject: Coffee Date and we will get back to you to set that up asap.

 

Your Thoughts…

We continue the conversation over at the The Rich Relationship Secrets Facebook page. Come join us now.

 

ABOUT SHASTA

Best-selling author, award winning teacher and down-to-earth Canadian girl, Shasta Townsend is your “marriage mechanic” who helps you manifest your relationship dream by teaching you how to apply Universal Laws to create a rich and satisfying relationship, no matter what AND the practical day-to-day tools that can change everything! Shasta is one of the first teachers to combine the teachings of Quantum Physics, Law of Attraction, Spiritual Psychology and good old common sense in the area of marriage, love and intimacy. Her many student’s success speak to the power of her work, and her own story is one of amazing “miracles”. She is here as the helping hand you’ve been seeking. Learn more at www.shastatownsend.com

Get More Spirited Relationship Advice You Can Actually Use! 

Click the graphic below to get your free GIFT – How to Get Him to Get It – Three Secrets Revealed!!!

Shasta_2

Stop Telling Me to Love Myself More

dsc_1262I am so tired of hearing that women “need to love themselves more”.

Stop judging our level of self love as some sort of barometer for success, love-ability or worthiness as a woman.

Of course, we have moments when we may hate the way our butt looks, wish we had had that witty repartee or knew how to fold napkins in the form of cranes to astound our dinner guests, but assuming that we hate ourselves is so tiring.

It sets up the assumption that we can NOT receive love until we have some sort of overflowing bucket of self-love to validate it first.

It’s shite!

And impossible…

For Love is our nature…

We can’t ever NOT be connected to love, for love is our internal nature (Essence, Spirit, Soul, Atman).

It’s who we are + is the basis of the Universe we live in.  All else is false.

WE ARE LOVE. It’s that simple.

So, rather than assuming we don’t love themselves, let’s consider, “What’s blocking this internal nature instead?”

One thing could be the very belief that we DON’T love ourselves, along with all the other stories of unworthiness we have ALL accepted at some level.

It is OK to have moments of self-doubt and maybe even self loathing as we mix it up in life, but don’t let anyone tell you to love yourself more.

They may mean well but really this is a huge projection of judgment + criticism.

It sets us up for more self loathing too.
 
We are a failure who can’t even love herself!

How will we ever love anyone else?

Or how will they ever love us? We are total failures!

 

So how do we create more love for ourselves + in our lives?

dsc_4502Give love away like the sun gives away light – with no agenda, no attachment, no worries.

Many times we love with a hidden “need” – we want our  lover or friends to reflect our own value back at us and this is impossible (not to mention extremely dangerous as we tread into the waters of co-dependency + disempowerment.)

So we are told we need to love ourselves first in order for another to see that we are worthy of loving.

But love is not a commodity…It is a river and it is ALWAYS flowing to you, beautiful woman.

So today when you have that moment of self-doubt, self-hate, self-loathing, notice that + look for someone or something + flow love to THEM.   Feel gratitude. See beauty. Feel the loveliness of loving.

And know your true state as one of love…

Big love to you,

Shasta

 

Your Thoughts…

We continue the conversation over at the The Rich Relationship Secrets Facebook page. Come join us now.

 

ABOUT SHASTA

Best-selling author, award winning teacher and down-to-earth Canadian girl, Shasta Townsend is your “marriage mechanic” who helps you manifest your relationship dream by teaching you how to apply Universal Laws to create a rich and satisfying relationship, no matter what AND the practical day-to-day tools that can change everything! Shasta is one of the first teachers to combine the teachings of Quantum Physics, Law of Attraction, Spiritual Psychology and good old common sense in the area of marriage, love and intimacy. Her many student’s success speak to the power of her work, and her own story is one of amazing “miracles”. She is here as the helping hand you’ve been seeking. Learn more at www.shastatownsend.com
 

Get More Spirited Relationship Advice You Can Actually Use! 

Click the graphic below to get your free GIFT – How to Get Him to Get It – Three Secrets Revealed!!!

Shasta_2

The Best Relationship Success Tip I Know

DSC_2866So much relationship advice out there + yet so many unhappy relationships…                  So what gives?

We are missing an essential aspect of happy relationship creation + this blog is all about what it is and how to access it.

 

I have a super happy marriage…now.

But my husband, Ian + I struggled to see eye-to-eye, to understand each other truly and to feel deep levels of trust for over a decade.

I loved him, was attracted to him, but we often were at odds.

Why

Because we were in DEFAULT patterns and focusing on what we did NOT want!!

 

Women ask me WHY they are NOT getting what they want – whether it is attracting a soul mate or making their current relationship even better even though they are in counselling, reading every self-help book on the shelf and trying, trying, trying to get through.

 

So, here’s the best relationship success tip I can offer you ==>

BE CLEAR ON WHAT YOU WANT!


 Why You Aren’t Getting What You Want 

img_5433Sounds simple, but the truth is many of us have no idea what we want.

We actually focus on what we DON’T want or DON’ T HAVE in our relationship and life.

And we like to prove ourselves right so we just keep telling these stories and making them true.

Law of Attraction likes to prove your right too so it will keep giving you what you focus upon…and then you say, “See he is a jerk-face or all the great men are married or gay.”

 

What’s Blocking My Clarity?

someone meditating with his hands in prayer mudra

We may be tired out, overworked + fed up so creating what we do wants feels so hard!

We are also use to things beings hard.

We almost don’t believe that we can create with ease + that Universal Laws really are in acting at all times. 

One student said to me: “It freaked me out how fast things changed + I got what I want when I got really clear + really started to focus. ”

Where we put our focus expands + we can create real success with ease and grace, fast, when we shift our focus to what we DO want.

But sometimes we develop habits of thought and even emotions that block us from focusing on what we do want.

So notice if:

  • You are simply going through the motions day-to-day while hoping + praying that things will somehow get better or at least not get worse while still complaining about things but not taking action. And why?

 

  • You are creating by “default” patterns and stories that you inherited from our parents or past lovers and consider what your resistance is to releasing these.

 

  • You have bought into the cultural story that relationships are hard and men + women are from different planets and what it serves in you to keep telling this story.

 

What I Want, Really, Really Want

IMG_5786Many of us also never learned that we have the permission to even think about what we want never mind actually create it or demand it.

It can feel almost naughty or selfish to be clear on what we want, but all creative manifestation starts with a DESIRE or a WANT.

So you have permission from all of the fairies of the Universe, the Great Mother, your ancestral line and even that boy in third grade who was mean to you to get clear on what you want…

 

Consider:

  • What is NOT working for me in my relationship + sex life?

 

  • If I could have it another way, how would I like it to be?

 

  • Why is that important to me?

 

  • If I had that, how would I imagine I would feel?

 

  • Who would I BE as a woman / wife / mother / friend / creator if I had all I desired?

 

You don’t have to figure out the HOW. Let the Universe take care of the how and when.

 

You just need to allow yourself to be in your YES…be in your clarity of desire and your knowing of what you want.

 

In my marriage when I shifted my focus to what I did WANT + away from what I didn’t want, not only did my energy towards my husband shift + his in return, but I started to see the manifestations of that desire, fast.

Like overnight fast!

 

Be courageous + daring to get clear on what you do want, woman.

 

The Universe and your lover wants to give it to you!

 

Share your insights, aha’s and WANTS in The Relationship Secrets Facebook Group.

 

shasta-treesBig love,

Shasta

Your Thoughts…

We are also continuing the circle on how to create conscious relationships for spiritual women over at the The Rich Relationship Secrets Facebook page.

 

 

ABOUT SHASTA: Best-selling author, award winning teacher and down-to-earth Canadian girl, Shasta Townsend is your “marriage mechanic” who helps you manifest your relationship dream by teaching you how to apply Universal Laws to create a rich and satisfying relationship, no matter what AND the practical day-to-day tools that can change everything! Shasta is one of the first teachers to combine the teachings of Quantum Physics, Law of Attraction, Spiritual Psychology and good old common sense in the area of marriage, love and intimacy. Her many student’s success speak to the power of her work, and her own story is one of amazing “miracles”. She is here as the helping hand you’ve been seeking. Learn more at www.shastatownsend.com

Get More Spirited Relationship Advice You Can Actually Use! 

Click the graphic below to get your free GIFT – How to Get Him to Get It – Three Secrets Revealed!!!

Shasta_2

Your Greatest Asset in A Trump Certain World

 

Did the world shift on its access?

Did the Death Eaters finally win?

Did we give our power to a misogynist in bad hair + even worse manners?

 

I think not!

 

The U.S. Election results are asking us to look at our collective shadow + calling us to access the Divine power that is in each one of us. 

 

The wave of disappointment + fear that rippled through social media and mass consciousness yesterday was the natural response to the surprise and disappointment that Trump was the new US President.

 

Even as a Canadian, I felt shocked + repulsed that I was now living in a Trump certain world.

 

But then I remembered my greatest asset.

 

My greatest asset…your greatest asset is our ability to FOCUS.

 

For what we focus upon is what we create.

 

It is Law.

 

And a whole lot of “focusing” is taking place right now.

 

Trump and all he stands will actually rally the women, the Goddesses, the Yoginis, the Witches + the Lovers to FOCUS in new + powerful ways on what we DO want

 

And that is the key – to focus upon what we DO want.

 

I believe these results are a focusing point to KNOW what we truly WANT – for ourselves, our culture + our planet.

 

And to take action – not from anger, fear or outrage but from power, possibility and passion…

 

  • Now is the time to BE THE COMPASS.

 

  • Now is the time to get clear on what we really do want + stop making excuses, apologies or escapes from your Heart’s Desire.

 

  • Now is the time to take aligned action – not from fear, anger or mistrust but from your Deepest Longings.

 

  • Now is the time to create your VISION for HOW GOOD IT CAN BE because that is your BIRTHRIGHT.

 

  • Now is the time to unleash your Goddess Nature not out of wrath but out of more than 5,000 years of waiting for THIS MOMENT.

 

If there was ever a time to take a stand for love, inner power + grace it is now.

 

May we stand in true wholeness with ourself and all others + truly create a new reality, no matter what.

 

So will you continue to bemoan what is or will you decide to become your greatest self + create the reality that is actually waiting to be born?

 

This is an opportunity to not continue to focus on the outer mania but focus and create from the inner paradise.

 

 

Your Heart’s Longing – A Gift 

I am so dedicated to being of service at this time in any small way that I feel moved to share a teaching that I usually offer only to my Platinum level students in The Rich & Satisfying Relationship Blueprint Program

 

Your Heart’s Longing Meditation is my offering to you to help you access your greatest asset + to know what you really DO WANT.

heart-longing-medThis is a powerful journey into your own Goddess Nature so you may create from a powerful vision.

 

It is time to tap into your heart’s longing so invite you to take 10 minutes now to listen to this powerful recording.

Listen now to ==> My Heart’s Longing Meditation 

 

There’s no opt-in. No email required. This is my gift to you, beautiful goddess during this time of potent creation…

 

Share With Other Women

If you feel moved to share with a friend,  please do…

This is the time to rally together as women!  

You can post, email or share this post ==>http://shastatownsend.com/your-greatest-asset-in-a-trump-certain-world/

 

The Final Invitation

If you feel moved to learn HOW to embody your Goddess Nature, use Laws of the Universe to truly create what you want + be the powerful compass for your own love and life, consider joining me and other amazing women in The Rich & Satisfying Relationship Blueprint Program.

banner

It starts tonight, November 10, 2016.

 

Have a look now ==> www.shastatownsend.com/firstlook

 

Today is the final day to register and begin one of the most powerful journeys of your life.

 

The time is truly right!

 

Please email us with any questions at teamhappy@shastatownsend.com.

 

The Sisterhood Continues

If you are not a member of The Rich Relationship Secrets Facebook Group, then join your like-minded sisters there now.   I’m in! 

 

shastaBig love,

 

Shasta

Is This You? – The Unsaid Longings of a Spiritual Woman

img_5492Maybe you are at a “turning” point in your life.

Maybe you have a deep urge to follow your inner calling + to truly feel embodied, alive and living your purpose.

Your love of self-growth, transformation and spirituality is a deep calling.

And, you may have already discovered what that is and made a shift in your career or business.

BUT,  you have some “tension” in your relationship because of this desire.

Your partner may or may not support this.

Money may be a hot button between the two of you and his fear of the unknown.

Your Partner is Skeptical

Your partner may be skeptical of this “spiritual” stuff but also wants to be supportive.

He wants you to be happy, but is not sure what the heck you are doing, or how he fits in.

He feels some pain around your path of growth. He fears losing you. He fears he is not the man for you.

You feel the disconnect and wish you could both get on the same page.

You Aren’t Willing to Settle Anymore

But you aren’t willing to settle anymore.

You know you WANT more.

You want more experiences, more time to go on vacations, more time for self care, more time for pleasure, sex and intimacy, and more time for fun and flexibility.

You also want sisterhood, freedom and to be fully expressed.

You Have a Nagging Worry that He Won’t Come Along

You fear that your partner won’t come along with you.

Or you are living in tension, disconnect, misunderstanding and possibly outright hostility in your marriage.

Maybe one or both of you has had an affair and tested the waters outside your marriage.

All of this has you asking: “Is he the one? Is he my soul mate?”

He’s Still in the Same Old Patterns

You are a deeply spiritual woman and you have done a ton of work on yourself including healing and self-empowerment.

You feel worried and tiny bit resentful that your partner has not taken the same interest in spirituality and healing.

You want him to “get it”, and you have tried a lot of technique and maybe even marriage counselling to sort this out, but you still feel angry and resentful that he is in the same old patterns.

You Feel Like You Can’t Win

You don’t want to leave your relationship but you are not sure if this current relationship can be the soulful relationship you need now.

You want the same level of love, connection and passion IN your marriage that you have in your business or spiritual life, and you are tired of settling.

You want true success and happiness everywhere.

You Have Doubts

You have tried marriage counselling and nothing gets better.

It may have gotten worse in fact.

Your friends tell you you “deserve better”.

But you have not found the resource or model to help you create what you are looking for.

You long for a great partnership and have a tiny bit of hope that it exists in your future.

Late At Night, You are Afraid

You are afraid of what you might lose and what a separation or divorce could mean for your life, your income, your children, and your sense of self.

You fear losing your best friend.

But you know things can’t continue.

You try to make him understand, but it is like you are speaking a different language.

You secretly wonder if there is a more “spiritual guy” out there.

Dear Sister, I’ve Been There

All of these words describe where I was at just a short time ago.

My husband, Ian and I were literally on different planets and my heart was breaking.

I shed tears. I pleaded. I took him to couple’s retreats, marriage counselling and finally I threatened leaving if he didn’t change.

We talked divorce.

It appeared that no one could help us.

It was the very worst time in my life.

DSC_1430Then I Learned A Secret

During the dark night of my soul when it appeared that nothing could salvage my marriage, I did something radical.

I decided to apply the “spiritual” mindsets and teachings I so loved in my marriage.

Today, I have a relationship that is even better than I dreamed possible with a man who made a huge shift into his heart.

I can truly say he is my soulmate.


If You are Longing For More…

If like me, you have a deep longing for more and you are no longing willing to live a half life then join me for a free Master Class on Wednesday, October 12, 2016 at 8:00 pm eastern.

In The {Secret} Laws of Love for Spiritual Women Who are Ready to Have It All,  you will experience: 

  • Ancient Wisdom & Universal Law for Love – I will teach you how to apply Universal Laws to unlock your power as a woman and Divine Goddess. We will talk about HOW TO apply these laws in relationship in practical ways so you feel empowered and clear!

 

  • Group Healing of Outdated Myths – We will discuss 3 Myths About Men & Marriage that Hold Us Back As Women…and how to release them and step into love, understanding and passion!

 

  • Energy Upgrade – Finally, I share a truly potent ritual to raise your internal energy that you can do in 10 minutes each day. This ritual will serve your commitment to self-care, masterful action and BEING the Goddess creator.

Secure your spot now.

I share the “secrets” to creating a soulful relationship full of love, passion, great sex, mutual understanding and connection.  

You will learn how I went from debt, distance and near divorce to doubling my income, deepening connection and creating a love + life better than I thought possible.

This is My Gift & Heart-Felt Offering

I hate seeing women suffer.

I know what it is to feel alone with a deep longing in our heart’s, and it does not have to be this way.

I know it IS possible to create what we want with the man we love.

I look forward to connecting with you in this powerful circle of sisterhood and potentiality.

I also made a video with a special invitation just for you

It’s time!

Secure your spot in The {Secret} Laws of Love Master Class now.

Big love,

Shasta