All posts by Courtney Trafford

When to Build a Wall? {Take Back the Reigns – Ask Shasta Column)

This week’s Take Back the Reigns – Ask Shasta Column question comes from someone who wishes to remain anonymous.

 

 

Hi Shasta,

I have been told as a spiritual person that I should just forgive everyone and try my best to have a relationship with them.

But I have a friend who really is not being a friend and I feel like it’s time to let her go, but I wonder if I am being a bitch in doing this. I think I really need to build a wall for my own sanity.

Is it ok to build a wall?

Thank you,

Anonymous

 

 

 

Dear Friend,

This is such a great question! And I completely understand the confusion.

On the spiritual path we are told that forgiveness and acceptance of others are key to our own success, and part of living a spiritual life.

In addition, our culture trains us to accept a lot of shenanigans from others as a proof of our “niceness” and goodness.

We have taken on a lot of unconscious voices.

We believe we are being spiritual by accepting poor behavior from others, yet we are NOT really being true to our own Spirit.

There are times to create boundaries.

This does NOT make you an “unspiritual” person or a bitch.

It actually makes you authentic AND it sends a powerful message to The Universe on what you do want in your life and The Universe can it then provide that for you, (but I will talk more about this next week in Part 2 of this response.)

It does feel triggering to create boundaries given the messages we have subconsciously accepted.

We have to make the unconscious voices conscious to have control over them.

So consider this:

  1. Whose voice do I hear when I consider creating a boundary? (My mother’s? My cultures?)
  2. What does that voice tell me do to or be? (For example: Be kind to others no matter what because that is what “Christian” people or “our family” does?)
  3. What is the validation I receive in accepting “shenanigans” from others? (For example: I can tell myself I am a good person. I prove that I am extremely tolerant and can take a lot of crap.”

 

Notice that there are a lot of agreements that we have all accepted at some level to receive love, acceptance and belonging.

We accept relationships with people who can not really LOVE us, and we try to hard to gain their love…we end up tolerating a lot of bullshit and yet we are not truly being kind…to them or ourselves.

Next week, in Part 2 of this column, I will outline a powerful way to cut the cord with ease and grace.

Much love,

Shasta

PS: Take Back the Reigns is a weekly no-cost program that is open to everyone seeking direction on love, life and self-empowerment.

Each week, I’ll select and personally respond to one question that supports our community.

You may choose to remain anonymous if you wish, with our full support.

It is my deep, heartfelt intention that in answering your questions I provide support, clarity and means to inspire you to truly create a life and love of power.

See the sidebar to ask your question today!

ABOUT SHASTA

Best-selling author, award winning teacher and down-to-earth Canadian girl, Shasta Townsend is your “marriage mechanic” who helps you manifest your relationship dream by teaching you how to apply Universal Laws to create a rich and satisfying relationship, no matter what AND the practical day-to-day tools that can change everything! Shasta is one of the first teachers to combine the teachings of Quantum Physics, Law of Attraction, Spiritual Psychology and good old common sense in the area of marriage, love and intimacy. Her many student’s success speak to the power of her work, and her own story is one of amazing “miracles”. She is here as the helping hand you’ve been seeking. Learn more at www.shastatownsend.com

Subconsciously Sabotaging Yourself? {The Law of Sacrifice Revealed}

I have been off the grid so to speak for a few months and have not been writing much to you…

The zombies did not get me, but I took some time to truly heal my old addiction to “struggle” as I am so dedicated to authenticity.

The funny thing is that when my life was actually going REALLY WELL old stories of “when is this going to fall apart” arose.

Have you ever had that?  The feeling like when is the other shoe going to drop?

Ian and I had moved into our dream home, we were at a new level of intimacy and understanding and my various businesses were doing well, and I was having moments of panic.

I see that part of me was use to “working hard” … Part of me was use to people letting me down … Part of me was use to it being H A R D!

When this was NOT the case, my subconscious had a little panic attack and attempted to sabotage my success and happiness.

The Trouble with the Subconscious Mind

Your mind is basically divided into a conscious aspect and a subconscious aspect, and about 95% of our thoughts are unconscious.

Our subconscious mind is silently telling us HOW to think about things.

The trouble with the subconscious is:  

  1. It does not thing or choose, rather it only accepts programmed beliefs or assumptions that it believes are true. But they are NEVER examined for truth. 
  2. Its major role is to keep you safe even if “safe” is actually unproductive. Safe to the subconscious really means “familiar”.
  3. The beliefs and patterns of the subconscious were developed before the age of 7. YES SEVEN!!!!

So a child is actually running the show!  A freaked out, unconscious child.

My freaked out unconscious child was used to the struggle, the drama, the chaos and the fear, and to be happy, at ease and abundant was painful.

To change our subconscious patterns, we become truly aware of our connection to the Universe and to Truth.

We must consciously decide what is true and what we want as an adult … even when it feels painful, unfamiliar, scary and maybe even “disloyal”.

We must also be willing, not only to examine the unconscious stories, but to sacrifice them.

The Law of Sacrifice Revealed

There is where The Law of Sacrifice is so interesting to understand.

The Law of Sacrifice states: In order to attain something of greater value, you must give up something that is of lesser value. 

In other words to be happy, we have to decide to give up stories of struggle.

So I decided to consciously allow myself to say YES to rich and satisfying experiences, relationships and a good and easy LIFE.

I had to sacrifice my addition to the belief that life was hard.

I had to sacrifice my willingness to worry about things falling apart, and sacrifice my need for control.

I truly took a look at my “stories” and addictions with the help of a mentor, and dove deep into Universal Laws, spiritual wisdom and my own deep Desire, and I truly feel I am on a new threshold of power, clarity, integrity and kick-ass strength.

I share this with you not only to explain where the hell I have been, but to invite you to consider if you have an addiction to the struggle.

The Allure of Struggle

We see struggle in our family, in our friends, in our culture, and we believe struggle is normal, maybe even a badge of honor.

We believe that life and certainly relationships are all about struggle, settling, drama, screaming matches, self-denial and anger.

How many times have we heard that things “don’t come easy.”

Why the fuck not?

We become more comfortable with struggle, than with happiness.

We settle for less because we are used to settling for less.

We struggle because we are literally addicted to struggle.

It’s time to sacrifice this!

Your Turn

So consider:

What am I willing to sacrifice of lesser value even though it is familiar? 

Can I give up my addiction to “hard”, struggle, or settling?

Who or what do I betray when I do this?

Share your comments, ahas and question on The Rich Relationship Secrets Facebook page.

Thank you for being apart of this community, and for being willing to say YES to your rich & satisfying life and love even when it feels shaky.

It’s your truth.

Now I must go kiss my husband, drink a glass of wine and rejoice at the ease of my choices.

Much love,

Shasta

ABOUT SHASTA

Best-selling author, award winning teacher and down-to-earth Canadian girl, Shasta Townsend is your “marriage mechanic” who helps you manifest your relationship dream by teaching you how to apply Universal Laws to create a rich and satisfying relationship, no matter what AND the practical day-to-day tools that can change everything! Shasta is one of the first teachers to combine the teachings of Quantum Physics, Law of Attraction, Spiritual Psychology and good old common sense in the area of marriage, love and intimacy. Her many student’s success speak to the power of her work, and her own story is one of amazing “miracles”. She is here as the helping hand you’ve been seeking. Learn more at www.shastatownsend.com